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On saying "no"

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I’ve been struggling lately with being completely overcommitted, overworked and overwhelmed. This is all due to my inability to say no. By nature, I am a “people pleaser” and want to make everyone happy. Therefore when someone asks me to do something, even if it’s not exactly what I want to do or in my best interest, I usually err on the side of helping others versus putting my needs first. Which led to me working 4 jobs and being entirely burnt out and almost losing myself in the process. How does one find time to even work 4 jobs you may wonder? Of course they were all “part time” but when you take on 4 of them…they add up to way too much for one person (at least for me).

Does it really matter if all your bills are paid if you have no time to enjoy your life?

Today, I resigned from not one, but two positions that were no longer serving me. And as I was talking to my fiancé about it, I realized it’s not really about saying no to others. It’s about saying yes to me; making my needs a priority, which is something else I have had a lifetime struggle with. Yoga has helped and changed my mentality and perspective on self-care and “being selfish” so much, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still a struggle. Yoga has taught me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. And I truly believe that. I believe that I needed to be working 4 jobs to learn and grow from this- perhaps how to say no (and yes to myself!)

A dear friend and fellow yoga teacher Ferny, also recently wrote a blog on saying no (http://sixelephants.org/matters-of-the-heart/ for her take on it!) She challenges us to take a day where we only do exactly what we want to do. What could your life look like if you actually listened to your heart the whole way? I’m not there yet, but I know I’m on the right path. I’ve got to choose, everyday, love over fear. Love for myself over fear or hurting someone else’s feelings, losing money, or any of the multitude of reasons my crazy brain drums up to guilt me into doing things I don’t actually want to do.

I’m writing this at 10pm on a Saturday night, not because this is what I want to be doing with my Saturday night, but because I told the family I nanny for that I would babysit for them. Not because I actually wanted to spend my Saturday night away from my fiancé and his kids that I already don’t get enough time with, but because I was afraid. Afraid of not having enough money when I resign, afraid of letting someone else down (“They deserve a break too, they work all week…”) While not having enough money to live of is a legitimate concern, my own work/life balance should probably be a higher concern. Because does it really matter if all your bills are paid if you have no time to enjoy your life?

So, say no. Say no to something that doesn’t truly speak to your soul. When you do this, you are creating space to be able to say yes to something else that will fill you up. Fill up your heart and soul. And maybe that saying yes to you, that fullness, will actually come from an emptiness, a space. But you may never know if you never allow that space to just be and see what happens.

Namaste friends! - Krystin Scott

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